When I did actually
get a request for
whole manuscript
...I really felt
rejection
Being a writer is something I didn’t choose for myself,
it chose me
Deciding I Was A Writer
When do people decide they've crossed the line from writing to writer? What's it really like to self-publish? This personal article by Cassandra Daniels, author of 'Together Again', provides us with some answers to these interesting questions.
It was the summer of 1998 and I was living with my mother in Jackson Mississippi. We had just had an argument and like every other lovelorn teenager, I started writing in my diary about how my life was and how mean my mother was. For the record, neither statement was true but that’s how I felt.
Instead of venting my emotions, I started writing what at the time seemed like a short story about a fictional girl named Jesse Loften. I began to think about what she’d been going through. I added parts of my personality, hopes, fears, and nightmares I’d experienced whilst living in the South. Then I stopped writing and didn’t think about it or write another word.
Six months later, I began to write more about Jesse. I realized I was increasingly thinking about where she went and what she had seen. Soon I wrote chapter one, two, three, and four. When I got to chapter six, I started to wonder why I was writing and asked myself where it had come from. Then I stopped writing again. Jump to February 2001. I’d finished the book, Jesse Loften was now named Whitney Johnson, and the novel was entitled ‘Together Again’.
I sent emails to a number of African American authors asking them for their advice and tips on finding an agent and being published. I sent a rough manuscript to an agent in the Midwest. They told me that it was too short and that I needed to add more ‘meat’ to it. So I rewrote, added more to the characters, filled more gaps and made it more interesting.
I began researching self-publishing and agents. I read about how to write the perfect query letter to a publishing company, and made sure that I included a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope). I also learned right off the bat about rejection:
I was an unsolicited writer.All of these statements told me that I was a risk. I understood that. When I did actually get a request for the whole manuscript (not just an outline or the first three chapters) I really felt rejection. The subject matter of ‘Together Again’ surrounds racism and rape and naturally, I had written several lynching and rape scenes. The publishing companies I’d written to said it was a ‘been-there-done-that’ type of a book; they wanted more comedic and romantic writing. I was asked if I had ever been in the situations that I had written about or if my portrayal of Caucasians reflected the way I personally felt about them. This was funny to me because although the scenes could have happened, I had produced a work of fiction. The craziest comment I received was from an agent from New York. After reading the whole book, they sent me an email that I still read from time to time for laughs. They asked me if I could make the white main character more heroic or turn out to be more positive in the end. They didn’t like the fact that I didn’t make it more ‘happily ever after’. I thanked them for the time they’d spent reading my book and for their suggestions. That was the last time I spoke to them.
When I started writing my second novel, that’s when I realized I was a writer. I knew then, that I wasn’t supposed to be a model or a pop singer or an actor (my childhood careers). I was and am a writer.
In July 2004, I started writing my third novel and was seriously thinking about publishing with a company in Indiana. The only thing that was holding me back was that they wanted 500 US dollars (350 UK pounds) upfront. They told me I could break it up into installments, but I knew my cash flow, and that I just didn’t have 500 dollars. So I kept writing and writing and decided to further research self-publishing, so that I could go that route. Many of my favorite authors took that path so I thought I should try too. Almost a year later, my aunt, who I go to for business advice, told me about lulu.com. I checked out their website. I saw that I didn’t have to pay anything and that I was in control of everything. I did find that having all control meant just that. I had to make sure my manuscript was proof-read and edited before I submitted it to them. I had / have to do my own promotion and marketing. I order the books, set up book signings, pass out flyers, spread my book around through word of mouth, and all of this comes out my pocket. So in a sense, I self-published. I didn’t physically make the book but I’m doing everything else that comes with it.
Being a writer is something I didn’t choose for myself, it chose me. I know that I’ll take my last breath with a pen in my hand. There are three things that I am happy and proud of in my life: I’m black, I’m a woman, and I’m a writer.
© Cassandra Daniels, 2005 (all rights reserved)